His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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