Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
