I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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