I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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