Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
