Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
