can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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