Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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