i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
the raccoons are back...
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