Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
