Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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