I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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