Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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