u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
