A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
