You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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