No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
