I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
