Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
