Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
