I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I will pee on everything he values.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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