between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
