Whod you bang
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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