My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
