Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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