no, he came in my armpit
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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