sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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