I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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