great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
