I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
