did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I deserve this hangover.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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