In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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