if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
