All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
