she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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