I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
