Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
