I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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