If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
