I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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