allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
