I'm eating all of the evidence.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
