Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
