Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
