Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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