I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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