I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
