too bad you live with your parents still
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
