I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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