Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
