I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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